-
2009-05-24, 11:21 p.m.
My friend Annah and her younger sister came to visit tonight.
We watched a movie and I have to admit, I had fun.
Annah is the only friend I have left.
I like spending time with her, I felt so guilty for asking her to borrow me ten bucks.
She didn’t mind at all, but it felt shameful.
In my family, the worst thing you can do is to ask someone for money.
I can hear my father in my head calling me names right now because of what I did.
That is how ashamed I am.
But I needed cigarettes because I wasn’t feeling well.
I *needed* the money.
It’s just one of those nights, usually the day before I see my psychiatrist.
I become paranoid and scared of everyone and everything.
I feel completely empty inside.
Usually I binge and purge but I have no money to do that.
And let’s face it, I can’t spend the rest of my life eating and throwing up.
I can’t spend the rest of my life smoking either, it’s a temporary solution.
I don’t know what to do when I feel like this.
I see awful things, the voices show me disturbing images.
It’s scary.
I’m scared.
I hate to see my psychiatrist.
N promised he would go with me this time but…I still feel uneased.
I can’t relax.
I hate to sit in front of her and speak.
Most of the time, I have nothing to say.
I don’t know…maybe I’ll see her once or twice a month from now on instead of every week.
I don’t know if my doctor will approve, I guess I have to ask him.
last - next
0 comments so far