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2009-05-31, 10:16 p.m.

I’m losing weight fast but not fast enough.
I hate the fact that I look like a fat cow.
My mom says I look so good, N too, but I don’t see it.
I’ve lost a lot but not enough.
And it gets harder to deal with this body because it’s summer-time and you know what that means!
A simple thing like wearing a t-shirt is difficult and driving me crazy.
I feel so fat. I don’t want anyone to look at my fat arms and my big tits.
I usually love my big tits but in the summer, they are in my fucking way.
People stare at me, is it because of my tits or because I look weird?
It’s very uncomfortable.
I know deep down, that probably no one is looking but…I can feel it.
I can hear people’s thoughts, ‘she’s so ugly, God, she’s disgusting’ etc etc.
I know it’s just my illness.
But what I *know* it not the same thing as what I *feel*.

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