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2009-06-12, 8:48 p.m.
I have been lying to N for about a month.
Maybe even longer.
I’ve kept a horrible secret, from him, and from this diary.
I have been purging 2-3 times every day.
I tell N I’m going for a walk, but I don’t, I go to the gas station and buy food, eat it, and then purge in a public bathroom somewhere.
Then I go home and pretend like I had just gone out for a walk.
I told him the truth last night, I just couldn’t keep lying, I cried for a very long time in his arms until I had the strength to tell him.
I thought he would hate me, but he was proud of me for telling him the truth.
He kissed my forehead and told me that everything was going to be alright.
That if I feel the need to purge, I don’t have to sneak out and purge in the woods or at the gas station.
I’m so lucky.
I’m married to such a kindhearted man.
Maybe I will purge less this way…if he knows what I’m going to do, I can't do it.
He won’t let me go out for a ‘walk’ alone from now on.
That’s a good thing.
It sounds terrible but it’s exactly what I need.
I feel like we’re closer than ever.
I love him so much.
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