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2009-06-16, 10:03 p.m.

I’ve had a really shitty day.
I woke up psychotic, fighting and yelling at N for no reason.
In my sick head, I thought he hated me and that he wanted to hurt me.
I took a bunch of pills, xanax, rohypnol and some other sedative.
Got sleepy, felt hungry, went to the gas station nearby again, bought a bunch of cookies etc.
Ate everything at the parking lot.
I tried to purge when I got home but I couldn’t.
So I panicked.
After that I fell asleep.
Woke up, felt more shitty than before.
Convinced N to buy my cigarettes even though I hadn’t smoked for 21 days.
Now I’m sitting here, doped up on zyprexa & feeling like utter shit.
I hate the fact that I’m bulimic.
I hate it so much.

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