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2009-07-09, 12:02 a.m.
My sister broke her foot yesterday afternoon.
She crashed while riding her moped, and she had to go to the hospital.
At first, she didn’t feel the pain, she went home, but around 1 am it hurt so bad that she started to cry and scream.
My dad was sleeping. My mom woke him up, he got really pissed off and started yelling at both my mom and my sister.
I wasn’t there, I was at home sleeping, I found out about all of this a couple of hours ago.
They spent the night at the hospital and now Maya has to walk around with a cast and crutches.
I went over to visit around 6 pm, I only managed to stay for 20 minutes because my dad was acting like a fucking dick.
That fucking asshole! Yelling at my mom, talking about how our family is ‘shattered’, the bullshit went on and on.
I couldn’t take it.
I panicked, ran out, I can’t go through that living hell again.
I see him sometimes because I thought he has changes but he hasn’t.
At all.
I can endure his usual bull crap but this time I had enough.
I hate to see him torture my mom with his cruel words.
He is so damn selfish that it makes me psychically sick.
I’m still in shock, I’m scared.
I just want him to leave. I hate when he is here.
But I have to stay strong. I can’t fall apart.
I’ve taken a xanax but it isn’t helping, what I really want to do is to eat and purge.
That would make me feel so much better but I can’t afford to do that.
I won’t be able to afford that for another week or so and it scares me.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m so hungry right now and it’s normal hunger, it’s like I haven’t eaten for weeks.
I’m so hungry, I want to eat and eat. Until my stomach is totally full and I can barely walk…and then I want to purge…to feel that cleansing sensation.
I’m going to go have a cup of tea. Maybe that will help.
I need to calm myself down, maybe take another xanax.
I don’t know.
I hate this feeling.
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