You'll rescue me right? in the exact same way they never did. I'll be happy right? when your healing powers kick in...
2009-07-16, 10:33 p.m.
I’ve spent the day with people I love.
My sister, N, Cyrus, and my father in-law.
We celebrated his birthday today.
I bought him fancy chocolate and a card.
He was so happy his eyes teared up.
I am so happy that I have N’s family to rely on.
They help me in ways I thought weren’t possible.
When N and I left, N’s dad thanked me a final time for the chocolate and the card, I hugged him and said ‘I care about you so much. You are really important to me’.
I just wanted to tell him.
So he knows.
Sometimes we go through life without ever thinking about losing the ones we love.
But anyone, any time can get taken away from us.
So why not tell those special people that they are loved and important?
This is the first night in weeks that I feel okay, alright, no anxiety, no panic attacks…it feels great!
I’m so happy right now.
Tomorrow we are all going to gather at Mona’s place and eat yummy foood.
I just hope nobody hears me purge…
I am trying not to think about my ED.
It only complicates things to think ‘omg, what if I have to purge? Where/how/when?’
So I am just ignoring my eating disorder right now and focusing on my family.
Today I purged once.
Maybe tomorrow I will purge 3 times or maybe not purge at all.
I don’t know.
And I don’t care.
As long as I have the ones I love around me.
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