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2009-08-02, 10:21 p.m.
I haven’t been sleeping very well.
I take a shitload of pills every night but for some reason, I don’t even feel tired when it’s time to go to bed.
So I stay up until 6 or 7 in the morning, with the urge to cut and the voices laughing at me out loud.
When I finally feel a little tired and want to go to bed, they make me paranoid.
They say I’m going to die if I fall asleep and I believe them in my confused state & become terrified.
I have to talk to my doctor about this because I can’t take xanax and rohypnol every night.
I don’t want to become addicted.
There must be some other alternative.
Some other medication maybe…or taking more sleeping pills.
I’m only supposed to take 2, but maybe I can take 3 instead?
I don’t know.
I take a lot of tranquilizers to make myself tired (nothing addictive) but it doesn’t seem to do the trick any more.
I have a meeting with my psychiatrist tomorrow.
She has been away for a month, so we are going to have a lot to talk about.
I have to get some sleep tonight so I will have the strength to speak tomorrow.
I will take xanax tonight just for that reason…
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