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2009-09-21, 2:52 a.m.

I can’t sleep. Its 3 am in the morning.
I’ve been thinking.
I’m sick of purging, I’m sick of binging, I’m sick of this prison I’ve imprisoned myself in.
I’m so tired.
I need to rest.
I want to stop purging, today, after I had binged, I didn’t want to purge.
It felt wrong, and the voices are yelling no matter what I do so what’s the use?
It’s totally pointless to act the way I am acting.
And I am hurting others.
N and my mom.
I can’t binge at my mom’s anymore because she confronted me and asked me if I was bulimic yesterday.
I can’t say she was supportive.
She was angry, she said ‘do you have to get addicted to everything? Just stop.’
I wish it was that simple.
But maybe it is.
I mean, it’s Monday right now.
It’s a new day, a new week, a new start.
I am going to attempt cutting back on cigarettes. I’ve never tried that.
I’ve always quit cold turkey.
Maybe cutting back will do the trick.
Thanks A, for the advice. I’ve given it some thought and I will try.

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