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2009-10-21, 6:41 p.m.

The anxiety never goes away.
I try to sleep through it but I wake up feeling more anxious than I was when I went to bed.
I take a lot of pills these days just to be able to cope.
I’m not taking any xanax though.
Because taking 1 xanax is like taking a placebo.
I need to take at least 3 or 5 to feel anything.
And the pills are strong, 2mg/pill.
N is worried about me, he wants to help but doesn’t know how.
He’s asked me a couple of times ‘what can I do? Please tell me, I will do anything to make you feel better’ but the answer is always the same.
I love you, but you can’t help me. There is nothing you can do.
I am in this alone.
V is angry at me for some reason, he never shuts up.
He makes the voices yell at me and it’s affecting me.
I can’t focus, can barely write this entry. But I thought that I might feel better if I vent.
All I want to do is sleep.
I don't want to hear voices and see demons.
I'm sick of this.

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