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2009-10-24, 8:12 p.m.

I’ve been purging a lot…a few times a day for I think three days.
It started after my mother said something that upset me.
She asked about my weight, I said what I weigh and her response was ‘please, don’t gain any weight. You don’t look good when you’re fat’.
She probably didn’t mean it like that, or maybe she did?
It reminds me of my childhood.
First my father started saying ‘you’re fat and disgusting’ even though I was really fucking skinny.
I was becoming a woman and he couldn’t deal with it.
When I think about it, he molested me when I was young, like 3 to 7 years old.
Then he started to hit me more often than usual and complain about my appearance.
That’s when my mom also started to say that I was fat.
They thought it was really funny to make me cry.
They knew which buttons to push.
My mom was always jealous of the attention I got from my dad, she still denies the fact that he abused and molested me.
Never mind. I don’t know why I ever brought it up.
I’m just in a shitty fucking mood.
I want to hit someone.

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