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2009-10-28, 8:33 p.m.
I haven’t binged or purged for almost a week.
I feel great.
I have a list, a list of food that I, in the past, haven’t been able to eat without purging.
Like pizza, Chinese food, pasta, hamburgers, home made food (that my mother or N‘s mother makes).
Like for example, Monday I had Chinese food, without purging. Tuesday I had pasta, and today I had pizza.
Without purging!
And I’m actually losing weight in the process.
It feels great.
I don’t know how to explain it but I am really proud of myself.
Maybe it’s weird for you who don’t suffer from an eating disorder…maybe you don’t understand at all.
But that list is important to me.
It signifies a healthy, normal life.
The only thing left on the list is home-made food and my own cooking.
But I’m sure, that when the day comes, I will be able to eat that food too.
I just have to take baby steps towards a healthy lifestyle.
And I’m smoking approximately 10 cigarettes a day.
My goal is to only smoke 5 tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
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