-
2009-10-30, 7:40 p.m.
I fucked up today.
I’ve smoked many cigarettes and I binged and purged.
I was going to spend the whole day with my mom and my brother.
We were going to celebrate his birthday but I felt like shit the whole time.
The voices were yelling, I took a shitload of pills but the anxiety never went away.
So I came home, N wasn’t here.
I felt that I needed to purge.
Because I had eaten cake at my mom’s earlier.
I couldn’t handle the guilt.
I felt awful.
So I made pasta and cheese sauce to go with it, after one plate I didn’t feel like eating anymore, after that I purged.
Now I want to binge and purge again…but I can’t.
N’s is on his way home now.
He had already made plans with his friends so he couldn’t rush back home.
So he’s coming home, just not now.
In an hour or so.
I was doing so good.
I made it through a whole week without binging and purging but I blew it today.
I hate to make mistakes.
I hate myself.
last - next
0 comments so far